Mickey Z. -- World News Trust
(Editor's Note: For the context of today's Mickey Z. commentary, click here to read a Reuters story on the subject)
Oct. 3, 2006 -- Communists are long out of vogue, welfare moms are so 1995, and Osama has taken the reclusive shtick a little too far for our short attention spans. My fellow Americans, we obviously desperately need a new super-villain to fear, a new reason to circle the wagons, surrender our rights, and embrace a lifetime of Code Orange. Well, hold on to your yellow ribbons, put down your cell phones, and take a good look what the Federal Bureau of Investigation has just dropped on our collective doorstep: a 95-pound, 51-year-old homeless Iranian widow with severe digestive problems (from Queens, no less). Armed only with a tattered coffee cup, a shopping cart overflowing with newspapers, and a name that will make Hollywood drool, say hello to our latest national nightmare: Zeinab Taleb-Jedi.
Don't let those dirt-infested shopping bags fool you. Pay no mind to
her swollen feet or malodorous haze. Two informers have sworn that our
homeless Jedi was indeed a member of the leadership council of the
Iranian resistance group People's Mujahedeen, described by the
Associated Press as a "heavily armed, Iraq-based terrorist
organization." Our queasy Jedi, the informers say, was "responsible for
making leadership decisions for the organizations, including approving
specific acts of terrorism." No word yet on how an infirm homeless
woman no bigger than a sixth grader managed to handle such demonic
duties, but we should never underestimate the craftiness of a terrorist
named Jedi.
Besides,
I don't know about you, but I'm thinking "summer blockbuster" here.
Someone get Bruce Willis' agent on the phone because this might be his
most formidable opponent yet: a pint-sized femme fatale with acid
stomach...a nd, of course, The Force on her side.
The
New York Times reported that Ms. Taleb-Jedi is an American citizen who
"came to the United States in 1978 to work on her master's degree in
political science in Atlanta." (Note to screenwriters: possible CNN/Ted
Turner angle here). Taleb-Jedi eventually lived for a short time in
Lenox Hill Neighborhood House Park Avenue Women's Shelter in Manhattan,
a facility designed to house older women with mental health disorders.
However, beneath that ingenious façade of fragility, all the while she
was seeking "the violent overthrow of the Iranian government."
Meanwhile,
Taleb-Jedi's unpatriotic lawyer, Justine Harris, says her client is
merely "a middle-age woman with absolutely no record." Nice try,
Justine. Tell it to Al-Jazeera. The next you know, she'll be saying Saddam
didn't have weapons of mass destruction. Some folks just can't stop
blaming America first and it's people like her that force our poor
democracy-loving leaders to use torture.
If
Jedi's lawyer wants to know why a frail middle-age homeless widow
would resort to a life of terror, she need only recall the words of George W. Bush who, in 2002, spoke eloquently about "a group of
killers, people who hate." The Commander-in-Chief went on to explain that
this group of killers really hates "the idea that somebody can go buy a
home."
As they say in South Florida: Bingo.
He
next time you step over a homeless person or switch subway cars to
avoid having to smell one, stay vigilant. You don't want to fall victim
to the Revenge of the Jedi Bag Lady.
CLICK HERE for Reuters story on this subject
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Mickey Z. can be found on the Web at http://www.mickeyz.net.
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