Mickey Z. -- World News Trust
Oct. 22, 2017
Yes, we are oppressed. Yes, we do suffer. And below is a very incomplete list explaining how and why. As our ancestors who perished aboard the Titanic (#NeverForget) might’ve said, it’s just the tip of the iceberg:
- Hello? Why do you think they coined the phrase “White Man’s Burden”?
- Unreliable wi-fi.
- We have legit nightmares about the barbaric reality of veal crates.
- The murder of John Lennon.
- No one respects just how much we’ve taught ourselves about anarchism.
- Vaccines.
- Lack of foam on our macchiato.
- Feeling conflicted after getting a $20 massage from our “local Chinese lady.”
- Animal experimentation (can you say “more nightmares?”).
- Slow Seamless deliveries.
- People of Color automatically assume we’re Coldplay fans (some of us prefer Phish, btw).
- 9/11.
- Why can’t I call you dawg? Why?
- Deforestation.
- What’s so funny about mayonnaise?
- False flags: all the damn time and no one will listen.
- It’s just not true that we can’t handle spices!
- GMOs.
- No new Billy Joel album since 1993.
- JFK assassination.
- Chemtrails.
- So if I happen to only date Asian chicks, somehow that’s a fetish?
- Running out of shows to binge-watch on Netflix.
- Having to explain -- time and time again -- that racism existed long before Trump.
- The rising price of sunscreen.
- Stop it now. Not all of us loved Seinfeld.
- We are all one but when I say it, boom… here comes the race card.
- Ecocide (It’s the big issue, you know? The one that impacts all of us equally).
- Baristas with a smug attitude. It’s not my fault they gave up on their dreams.
- Not being able to use the n-word in public anymore.
- The interminable wait between Game of Thrones seasons.
- The carriage horse industry (this one even haunts us during the day).
- SoulCycle is simply way too crowded now.
- No one wants to talk about how the Irish were once slaves, too.
- The Illuminati.
- Our activism groups get called elitist but it’s not our fault if Black and Brown people don’t come to our strategizing meetings.
- We really miss Occupy.
- Seriously, folks, can’t anyone at Trader Joe’s come up with a better system to deal with the long lines? No wonder I switched to ordering from Amazon Pantry Prime.
- Tad is a real name and it’s a nice one, too.
- Pesticides (but organic is getting so pricey).
- Golf is just not taken seriously enough as a sport.
- Sometimes you find out your meal wasn’t really locally grown.
- Stop it now. Not all of us loved Friends.
- White guilt is real and lemme tell you, it hurts.
- Can’t watch a Woody Allen movie without being made to feel guilty.
- Racist judgments of our dancing/jumping abilities.
- The accelerated extinction rate.
- Yoga certification courses are becoming almost too expensive.
- LEAVE OUR MAN BUNS AND NECKBEARDS ALONE!
- Now you have to actually buy something at Whole Foods to use their bathrooms.
- You have no idea how painful it is to hear the term “white trash.”
- Risk of carpal tunnel syndrome from all our Facebook activism.
- I wish you’d at least try a casserole before you judge them so harshly.
- Puppy mills (WE LOSE SO MUCH SLEEP OVER ANIMAL ABUSE!!!).
- It may not be PC to say it but some white people did get screwed by Affirmative Action.
- We can’t be “sexy Indians” for Halloween anymore.
- Did you ever see the line for the bathroom at, like, every single Starbuck’s?
- Bernie was robbed!
- We do not get enough credit for the accomplishments of Anonymous.
- Stop it now. Not all of us loved Radiohead.
- Pronouncing and spelling Black people’s names.
- No matter how much we scream “fuck the police!” we still don’t get arrested.
- When we become Buddhists, we’re no longer accepted by white Christians but we’re never fully accepted by, um, real Buddhists.
- Yearly reminders of the sinking of the Titanic.
- Corporate personhood.
- There are times when socks and sandals go together.
- RFK assassination.
- Fur farms (I wonder why white people even bother trying to sleep at all when we’re literally tormented by such images).
- Surely the girl who does my pedicure could learn just a few English words, right?
- The commercialization of Burning Man.
- Brunch jokes. Enough already. White people have feelings, too, you know.
- When radical white people are the ones who end up losing a job to an illegal.
- Slow Uber drivers
- But jet fuel really can’t melt steel. Look it up!
- Have you seen the price of almond butter?
- No one wants to talk about Marx anymore…
- Actually, all the B.S. we endure at Starbuck’s could be its own list.
- Dog fighting (I’m not racist but Michael Vick and his “posse” are evil).
- Hey, there’s street crime in the suburbs, too!
- Everything we do gets called “cultural appropriation” now.
- Honest question: How can I possibly have so much privilege if I’m broke all the time?
- What even is Kwanzaa?
- People never credit Obama for being half-white.
- The same for Tiger Woods.
- And Derek Jeter.
- Orcas in captivity (I mean, did you even see Blackfish?).
- Stop it now. Not all of us loved Cheers.
- Fact: Sometimes the salsa is too damn spicy. Why am I so wrong for pointing that out?
- It just plain sucks that we can’t wear dreads without getting shade for it.
- Not all white feminists readily throw Women of Color under the bus. Stop generalizing.
- The growing acidification of the oceans.
- Nobody respects how color-blind we’ve become. We did the work but don’t get the credit.
- My dealer got busted and now I have to take a Lyft into a sketchy neighborhood.
- Gentrification hurts us, too.
- Never forget: The New World Order impacts everyone.
- Reverse racism is a real thing.
- Industrial civilization is killing the planet and dammit, it makes me so sad.
- The whole “wypipo” thing was cute for a little while, but now it stings.
- We keep getting unfairly lumped in with Trump voters. #NotAllWypipo.
- When People of Color just won’t explain precisely what it is they want us to do in order to be a better ally. How are we supposed to know?
I could go on but I’m utterly wiped out. I really need an organic kale-turmeric-coconut water-wheatgrass smoothie right now. Later, dawg…
Mickey Z. is the founder of Helping Homeless Women - NYC, offering direct relief to women on the streets of New York City. To help him grow this project, CLICK HERE and make a donation right now. And please spread the word!
100 Ways White People Suffer, Too! by Mickey Z. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
Based on a work at https://worldnewstrust.com/100-ways-white-people-suffer-too-mickey-z.